


Exit The Stage; Kindle The Blaze

by au_moins_jessaie



Category: Lunar Chronicles - Marissa Meyer
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Channary never died au, F/M, Kai x Cinder, Kai x Selene, Kailene, kaider
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-13 21:35:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28660308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/au_moins_jessaie/pseuds/au_moins_jessaie
Summary: This was normal. They always did this, casually talking about their wedding, their marriage,their future.They had known this would be their reality for more than a decade. They talked about it with the same level of consequence one would use when discussing what they had for dinner. Why be embarrassed and blush about their nuptials like flustered youth when it was normal?“Your change towards the Prince isn't some political manifesto, Selene.” Jacin had said.“Doesn’t mean you're right.” She rebutted. “This is a serious matter and a serious political relationship. We wouldn't let that happen.”“You typically don't get a say in the matter.”“It’s,” Her breath hitched. “It’s not...what you say it is. Not some childish drama of endless affection and romance. It’s politics. Love isn't viable.”“Oh but of course Selene. Because you can’t be in love with your Fiancé, the man you’re going to marry.”
Relationships: Kai & Linh Cinder, Kai/Linh Cinder, Prince Kai & Princess Selene, Prince Kai/Princess Selene
Comments: 3
Kudos: 30





	Exit The Stage; Kindle The Blaze

**Author's Note:**

> **Cinder is shown in the books to have internalised racism against her own people, which she later has to come to grips with. I wanted to explore how that would play out in a different context, this one being that Channary had never died and Levana didn’t kill Selene. I explained the consequences of this in the end notes, so please read them for better context of this story! :D**

The lines were inked across the page, and as if they could make their content tangible, the words seared into her mind.

_But I burnt away my inhibitions, like you burnt me as a child._

**i.**

Selene lay languidly across a chaise, cooped up and stowed away in the comforts her chosen hideout had to offer. The room was pristine, with not a granule of dirt to be found in any crevice of carpet or lounge. It was typical, of course, of royal residences, and Selene had no choice but to find the stiffness normal, having never known otherwise.

Her fingers absentmindedly carded through pages of a book she had procured from the Palace library. It almost felt like thievery, which was mostly ridiculous. She was a Princess. The Crown Princess of Luna to be precise. But while that may account for much on Luna, on earth it only granted so many liberties.

Of course she could mostly do whatever she pleased on Luna, having free domain over the Palace and a decent amount of input in the court’s proceedings. Even more so, she supposed, due to her mother’s doting. Channary may be largely unbothered by the complex political nature and responsibilities of her role, but she would attack the second anyone even voiced opposition to that which she cared for. This mostly entailed parties, with their colour schemes and endless insatiability. It also, fortunately for Selene, included her first born daughter, as thus the young heir was granted whatever she wished to have or wished to know. And if someone dared to oppose, citing the Princess’ youth or position as a reason to withhold something, Channary would be anything but docile. Many times Selene had looked on as her Mother shrieked at some maid, or even Thaumaturge who dared to suggest the Princess did not deserve everything she ever wanted. It could have been an ego booster, but Selene was always just embarrassed by her Mother’s outbursts on her behalf.

Her fingers stalled on a page, and she let the pads revel in the scratchy texture of the paper. It was the one thing she couldn't so easily acquire on Luna. After all, by the time the moon colony began establishing itself as an individual society paper books had already begun to be phased out; the tree-drawn items were never brought to or manufactured on the silver rock. This was not the case on earth however, and while paper textiles was a mostly obsolete industry, that didn’t stop the nobility from boasting impressive collections. One such place where these rare and expensive resources congregated was the New Beijing Palace Library, which Selene, _though limited,_ had access to.

She would not keep the book of course, never taking it out of the confines of the Palace walls. _Well,_ she grumbled to herself, _it’s not like she left the Palace much either._ That was the one thing her Mother wouldn’t indulge her to: freedom to move, to see things. Sure, she could walk around Artemisia all she liked, but travelling to outer sectors was not allowed. _It’s not safe,_ the guards would say. _You must remember how your grandparents died,_ her mother said. _Are you sure they want to see you?_ was the rather scathing remark from her Aunt Levana.

She paid those no mind though, listening more attentively to the blunt but concerned words from her friend. _You’d be too distressed,_ said Jacin. He had long ago deserted formality around her, stating that it was hard when the future monarch was the same maladroit wailer of a baby he knew from childhood. It had taken some coaxing to get a description of the sectors from her guard Ze’ev, the wolf hybrid her mother had let her select as a gift when she was 9. He painted in his few words a grim picture, but admitted he couldn't count himself an expert as it had been so long since he’d been taken to be an operative.

The only real venture Selene ever managed to score was her annual visits to Earth. For three months each earthen summer she would live in the New Beijing Palace, learning diplomacy, completing her schooling and building the future ties of herself and the Commonwealth. She marveled in the fresh, _real_ air each time and the variety of splendid colours, but she mostly looked at these from afar. Luna didn't exactly trust the hosting Kingdom to protect their Princess, and prohibited them from taking Selene outside the vicinity of the earthen Palace. This was the standard of all her stays, a total of four exceptions in her 13 year penance all having been granted because of her mother’s verbatim 'eloquent' presence on those occasions. Well, it wasn’t a penance to be on earth, Selene thought. The penance was being locked in, unable to seek out the arrays of life and beauty earth seemed jubilant with when one looked down at its blissful green continents.

She may have felt a little criminal by storing the book and pulling it out in the sitting room, but she couldn’t bring herself to get that worked up over it. She was far too distracted by the sweeping pull of ink along the pages, entranced by how the smell and touch of the paper was both grounding and nostalgic. An unexplainable nostalgia, for something she had never experienced or possessed, yet longed for all the same.

Her eyes glazed over the words, picking up the combinations and conjunctions though they barely left an imprint on her mind. She was interested in this work, but this particular chapter of unnecessary prose - clearly included as an opportunity for the author to splurge their opinions - was not exactly captivating. Still, Selene committed herself to absorb as much as she could before she was famished of its sensation and continued to trudge through the boresome soliloquy. The sitting room itself was silent if not for the holographic fire crackling beneath the mantle and distant echoes of laughter spilling from the neighbouring celebrations. She sat by the fire purely for a source of light to read by rather than it’s companionship.

Selene had never been a particular fan of fire, feeling uncomfortable in its spitting risk than enjoying its flickering power. It probably didn’t help that fires were scarce on Luna, and while they could be found in the Palace, were often not lit in the presence of her Aunt. Not that Selene made a particular effort to spend time where her Aunt was, but by way of congenial association it occasionally turned out that way. She would hang out with her cousin and best friend (asides from the other _obvious_ person), who was often found with her guard Jacin, and where those two were, their parents would often end up. Levana looked childishly out of place next to her husband, but her awkward presence was largely drowned out by the companionship of the others. She was hardly noticed by Selene until one occasion where the aging Princess shrieked upon entering to lit fire, and Selene had ceased to be enchanted by the element ever since.

Her slow reading was startled by a spike in noise. The swelling music and chatter from the distant ballroom suddenly grew louder then immediately quietened. Selene looked up to see the source of this: a figure slipping through the door and then closing it again. He breathed a sigh of relief at seeing her across the room.

“Phew, I’m glad it’s you. That would’ve been _really_ awkward if I’d walked in on some couple looking for a romantic getaway.” Selene smiled up at Kai, having collected herself enough to gesture him over. He eagerly claimed the seat opposite hers and hunched his body forward to better see her in the dwindling firelight

“That would’ve been rather uncomfortable to explain to your dad.”

He pushed a stray hair from his brow. “Yeah, knowing me I’d me offend them so much they’d end up terminating our trade agreements.”

“Eh, if they did you could always just declare war on them. Ought to keep them quiet.”

He sent her a pointed look. “I’m not going to declare _war_ on innocent aristocrats, you lunatic.”

She laughed. He only called her that when she was edging on, in his words, slightly tyrannical evil Lunar behaviour. It was done affectionately, but every time he said it she made an effort to avoid saying, or thinking, similar things. She didn't want him to think she fit the reputation of Lunars being cruel and barbaric. She also didn’t want to tell him that in this hypothetical scenario her mother and the Lunar court would have done something far worse than declaring war. Selene could more than surmise this; she had seen it too many times.

“Okay, okay. Let’s be honest: you probably would’ve knocked over some fine china or art installation out of embarrassment before they even got the chance to tell Samchon Rikan.”

He strung his hands together and his head shook with his chuckle. “And then I would have to avoid telling him how I destroyed priceless antique heirlooms. Any ideas?”

Selene mused and she closed the book, thumbing a page so as not to lose it though she didn’t really care if she did. “Bolt the door.”

Kai clapped his hands once in agreement. “ _Genius._ Hopefully none of these pieces will be some ridiculous but necessary ceremonial item for our wedding.”

Her face flushed, and though the firelight would’ve masked it, she glamoured herself to give an insouciant nod. This was normal. They _always_ did this, casually talking about their wedding, their marriage, _their future._ They had known this would be their reality for more than a decade. They talked about it with the same level of consequence one would use when discussing what they had for dinner. Why be embarrassed and blush about their nuptials like flustered youth when it was normal?

So why only now did his mention of it halt her heart’s beating?

That was something that she’d been wondering all night.

It was part of the reason she had sought a hideout in the first place. Though she had now shied away from the night’s revelry, an hour or so prior she had been in the centre of it. Diplomatic events and balls were commonplace for royalty, and Selene had been attending the Eastern Commonwealth’s events for years. It had been part of the agreement that Selene would spend three months each year in the Eastern Commonwealth. It was said to be in order to strengthen the future marriage alliance between Prince Kaito and Princess Selene. Selene knew that the real motives were self-preservation; the Eastern Commonwealth and Earthen alliance hoped that by having the young Princess on earth from her infancy they would be able to inculcate a moral compass more aligned with their own. It would ensure their own future Empress would hopefully be _anything but_ a tyrant, and her own affections for the second home of her youth would make her less inclined to obliterate the planet on a fleeting whim.

Of course, this whole arrangement wasn’t done without any begrudged dissent. It was a surety that Earth would have never agreed to such a deal if not for the threats poised. In fact, the only reason Selene could even be sitting so comfortably in the earthen palace was because earthens were terrified of her. Of what she could do, if she felt so inclined as to complain to her Mother and the Lunar Court.

**ii.**

In a series of varying diplomatic trips, earthens had been privileged to penetrate the prison barrier Luna imposed upon itself. After these visitors returned to their planet, the Lunar court erupted in a frenzy directed at the World allegiance seeking a peace treaty. Luna accused them of extracting and harbouring Lunars from the mission, grounds for war by their own accords. They argued that these Lunars were traitors to the crown, and that the earthens had taken them to uncover government secrets in an attempt to conquer the moon. Without time to investigate whether these claims could be proved or how Luna even knew about these so-called fugitives, the ever brooding celestial body was threatening war on the neighbouring planet. It stood to be questioned how said Lunars even got to earth when the earthen envoy was totally unaware of their presence, enhanced by the fact the fugitives were anything but complicit in their apparent treason. 

Luna also argued that the emerging epidemic which caused victims to erupt in gouging blue rashes was earth’s own political ploy to try and force Luna into an alliance. The claims became so far fetched as to assert that earth created it as a biological weapon, and that if a treaty was agreed to, earth would spread it to Luna in hopes of weakening and conquering them.

The extent to which these claims were true was never given time to be evaluated as the world leaders resigned themselves to a pressing and sacrificial solution. Luna charged their price: a marriage alliance to ensure Earth would not attempt a coup, an acquisition, or even the biological warfare they _'obviously'_ intended. Unbeknownst to Selene, the spreading virus was in fact a biological weapon: manufactured by her _own_ people. Selene was not yet to become Queen of Luna, and until the marriage alliance was sworn and finalised with binding _I do's,_ the Crown chose to withhold this information from the Princess. She was too attached to earth, and it was a plan likely to be completed before her reign. Thus, Selene was kept in the dark, and for the sake of her own mental health, it was a good thing she was.

For the first time in more than a century the royal Blackburn family graced Earth with their presence. Queen Channary batted her eyelashes and suggested that the alliance should take place between herself and the young Emperor Rikan. He had looked supremely uncomfortable and held onto his wife more tightly. Whatever Channary had intended to convey, Rikan would not dismiss the possibility that the moon queen had nefarious intentions. The only eligibility Earth would _reluctantly_ consider was a match far in the future: The Crown Prince of the Eastern Commonwealth and The Crown Princess of Luna.

The official agreement was very formal, the royal parties taking care when considering the terms that secured the fates of their nations; doom and aspiration alike. Though the graceful swoop of penmanship bound their children to ascertained matrimony, it was not a rigid accord. The 17 years which stood between the signing and the actualisation of nuptials was a political void of possibilities. Earth insisted in its clause that the contract could be ceased at any time, in case any serious occurrence made such a union anything but favourable. The Emperor had explained this with all the tact and weight of a father tethering his son to a potential despot. The Luna representatives had responded in turn, all political jargon and discussion reflecting the gravity of the decision. The Queen herself had dismissed its severity and giggled over the _“handsome but frightfully bland”_ guards and _“poor taste”_ in décor.

Nevertheless, the tired and stricken tension did not halt the proceedings. The deal was sealed, and unless stated otherwise, Prince Kaito of the Eastern Commonwealth and Princess Selene of Luna were betrothed to be wed on his 22nd and her 20th year.

Since that day, so many years ago now, Selene had descended from her home in Artemisia and arrived in the New Beijing Palace to stay with the crown's royals, and, upon her 20th year of life, _her_ family. But that day had not arrived, and Selene still felt that despite her 13 years of staying on Earth it wouldn't be until she became empress that she would be considered worthy of being there. _Or,_ a quiet whisper in her head echoed to her, _she never would be accepted,_ no matter how much she tried to show earthens she meant no harm.

**iii.**

This particular evening held a gala with so little lasting significance it led the young royals to jokingly propose they ditch in favour of sneaking down the vibrant laneways of nightlife in New Beijing. Instead, they discarded the unrealistic notion and decided to entertain themselves with one of the many games they had invented as children. This one had the objective of picking a colour and counting how many people present were wearing it. At the conclusion of the evening, they would compare numbers and whoever had more had won. But, if they had chosen the same colour, _both_ lost. It was a fairly simple game, but then again, they’d come up with it at the naïve ages of 6 and 8.

"Let's play Flowers."

Selene groaned beside him. "We've played that the _last_ three galas."

"It's fun!" Kai splayed his hands in front of them, and his left one connected with her torso as she continued marching forward.

The Palace Hallway to the ballroom entrance was simply decorated; ancient tapestries from provinces all over the Commonwealth hung up in rows on the wall. In between these were vases of flowers, then sculptures, interchanging one after the other. The lengthy walk was illuminated by the sunbeams entering through the floor length windows, warming the room in the misty glow of the setting sun.

“I’m serious: we need some variety if we don’t want to be _bored_ to sleep. Let’s play Colours.” Selene’s eye caught in a ray of sun reflecting into the room. The strength of it refracting through the glass disconcerted her for only a moment; though she was two weeks into her three month stay the difference in the artificial sun on Luna to the real thing was still stark.

He scrunched his nose in surprise. “Wait, _Colours?”_

The hallway felt empty though a row of guards stood at 5 metre intervals along the wall’s columns. It was quiet if not for the hushed, gravelly voices of the Emperor and his chief advisor a few paces ahead of them. Kai and Selene themselves were more animated than their seniors, rejecting civil demeanour when in each other's presence. Though there were guards stationed close by and undoubtedly hearing the teenagers’ obscure conservation, the royals were so accustomed to such company that they hardly found it uncomfortable.

Their feet came to a standstill beneath them as the four dignitaries reached the end of the passage. Selene lowered her voice as she finished her thought. “It’s been ages. Besides, I thought you liked Colours.”

The Emperor turned his attention to the youths, looking dapper and handsome in his formal attire but evidently tired. “Speaking of colours, isn’t the city beautiful tonight?”

They all turned to the windows and took in the mesmerizing purples and oranges of the sun setting, still just visible through the crowded city’s towering high-rises.

Selene, still startled that Rikan had heard her took a second to really focus on the metropolis’ busy charm. She yearned to be out there, in the streets rather than just observing from afar. She wished that her and Kai’s rhetoric earlier could actually be realised, and they could flee to the cramped but lively laneways. It would be infinitely more exhilarating than spending the evening with pompous discourse in the stuffy ballroom.

Kai, appearing to follow her train of thought, grumbled. “Why can’t we have these _shindigs_ outside? It’s such a beautiful day!”

“Rain is on the forecast, Your Highness. Now we must make our way in to meet your guests.” Torin, with the interminable couth he never seemed to yield, bowed his head courteously.

“Quite right Torin.” Rikan straightened his jacket and posture. “See you again in a few minutes kids.”

The guards opened the tall gilded doors for the Emperor just as the advisor turned to face the teenagers. “We’ll call you in momentarily.”

He too disappeared behind the door with a second curt nod. Torin didn’t need to explain such protocol to them, such events frequent in their schedules. Selene caught the connotation in his words, telling them not to get rowdy in the brief period of separation. She couldn't blame him for the warning; it would be hard to treat as adults the two he’d known and mentored as squabbling toddlers.

Selene brushed down her bodice and considered glamouring the section of hair that was not curling like the rest. Her hair texture was simply suited to anything but curls, and Selene promptly gave up on the idea as she heard the call of the Emperor’s arrival ring out on the other side of the door.

“Colours.”

Kai huffed. “But it’s so easy!”

Light pinned onto their faces as the doors swung open, too bright for them to yet decipher anything within other than the hanging chandeliers.

“Then why don’t _you_ ever win?”

The Prince and Princess stood overlooking the ballroom floor as their names and titles were announced to the hushed crowd. Selene’s attention was on Kai, aiming to follow his gaze to deduce what colour he had chosen. In shifting her eyes askew to glance at him however, she found him doing the exact same thing.

Kai’s combination of traditional and modern attire was simple and understated, allowing his sightly features to shine. The neutral colours meant that it matched her own dress well, though it wasn’t intentional. The embellished waistband, billowing satin sleeves and woven details on the mammoth of a skirt had all been conjured up from the designs of the royal seamstresses on Luna. They would allow their Princess to grace the _pathetic planet with her ethereal presence,_ but she would not wear earthen robes. The combination was not so close that it looked like they were paired, but it would certainly be charmingly in sync if they took to waltzing.

Her and Kai had danced so many times for so many occasions that they had each other’s movements memorised. The second to nature manner in which they glided across floors together required no conscious effort, and depending on the mood, the two would talk aimlessly or absentmindedly give their thoughts free reign to wander.

This evening had been no exception to this routine. That was, until, it _had_ been. Once the general speeches and dining had bordered on drowsy, the Emperor announced the dancing to commence, rejuvenating the waning energy of their guests. Right on clockwork, Kai rose from his seat beside Selene and turned to face her. She expected the outstretched hand and the slight incline of his head. What she did _not_ expect was his sparkling eyes and spellbinding smile, his normally formal request replaced with a simple: “Care for a dance, Princess?” She did not expect when she nodded and took his hand that he would immediately bring it up to his lips with a sound kiss against the back of her palm. Within an instant she was calling up a glamour to veil her blush. She was lenient to many of Kai’s antics, even allowing the occasional laugh or eyeroll to slip past though she knew it would boost his ego. But she would not let the Prince catch the flushing cheeks he would hold over her head for a foreseeable eternity. She would _not_ let him see her swoon.

Swoon? _Swoon?_ That shouldn't even be a plausibility. She chided herself. This was _Kai,_ her _friend._ Her best friend. She needed to get out of her head. Selene kept repeating this to herself internally, but her thoughts were stolen the moment Kai took her into his arms and swayed her into movement. She stumbled and he raised an eyebrow, a silent chuckle at her apparently new clumsiness for something as familiar as her mother tongue.

She was able to regain her control over her muddled thoughts and footing, but not over her traitorous heart, pulsing ceaselessly within her chest. They danced easily, the flow of her skirt a spectacle of shimmering fabric that seemed so thick it would be impossible that Kai could so easily glide her across the floor. The watchful onlookers would covertly sneer and assure each other and themselves that it was all glamour, and that the expensive ball gown and glow emanating from the Princess’ skin was a mere illusion. This would be true in some circumstances, Selene having often adorned a glamour to add an extra touch of incandescent radiance to herself. But to say she was doing so on this evening was false; she was far too consumed by her shifting emotions to pay attention to her looks. All her attention was on _him._

Besides, she had become less and less concerned with keeping up appearances through her glamour in the past years. Seeing her dearest cousin suffer with Lunar sickness made her feel selfish to use it. That, and the knowledge that using it on earth only affirmed the distrust earthens bore towards her. She opted to forgo it most days, though the tension on Luna meant that it was sometimes just easier to use it than offer an explanation. More than anything else, she knew Kai would see through it. He wouldn't be impressed, or think she was better for it. He knew Selene as she really was too well.

The waltz moved forward effortlessly, and to her own credit, Selene believed she had recovered quite well from the prior stumble of her feet and her heart. The ministrations of dancing were as routine as ever, so Selene told herself she was imagining that Kai’s hand on her waist was more tender than normal, and that it wasn’t sending trickles of warmth into the bodice of her dress. 

Part of Selene hoped she could expedite the dragging experience by latching her gaze onto the blur of sights on the perimeter of the dancefloor. Unfortunately, seeing the new-money guests insecurely sizing up to the most affluent was nothing but a prolonging instrument. Kai jolted her to spin underneath his arm, and when they returned to tête-à-tête his expression was fixated on hers. Unless he was examining her glistening tiara any reasonably minded person would say the Prince was admiring the Princess. Her florid face was guarded by her glamour, but didn’t mask her cheeks crinkling as she gaped (just a little), wholly nonplussed.

Selene recognised the tell tale signs of the piece coming to a conclusion from the soft transition to mezzo-piano and surrendering of instruments. She foolishly prepared to extract herself from Kai’s hold and anticipate the procedural change of dance partners. Though, with the way men usually danced with her as if doing so would guarantee a nice spot in Luna politics _(and a free card out of potential war)_ meant she would most likely retreat to some dark corner alone. Before she could lessen her grip on Kai’s shoulder the Prince in question leaned in suddenly, pursing his lips just adjacent to her ear. She felt his warm breath send chills down her back and wondered if he would drop a kiss to her collarbone. Instead, he whispered: “Countess Liljenquist has bright red lipstick all over her cheeks”. She could hear him smiling in his words.

A moment where she allowed her initial shock to pass crept onto awkward. Which was weird, because she was never awkward around him. How could she be, when she knew him more than she knew the intricacy of the Luna Palace's folding runes she had studied so intently while enduring boring lectures. She let out a shaky chuckle.

“Oh, yeah, never can trust that woman with a tube of red lipstick.”

She wished she had sounded more nonchalant, because he immediately pulled back and studied her face. She wished he hadn’t, already missing the sensation of him hovering so close to her, but mostly because he now saw the blush infecting her cheeks before she’d had a chance to school her expression.

Bringing up a glamour now was futile with him already having seen her so flushed, but she was almost tempted to do so with the smug look creeping up on his face. His eyes were mischievous as leaned in slightly again, but not as close as before.

“But how do you think it got that smudged? Maybe if we see some other hapless soul with red all over their mouth we’ll have our answer.”

He was teasing her; she knew he was teasing her. The implications of his speculation were not lost on her, but it was not the thought of some random aristocracy kissing that made her squirm. It was kissing itself, the thought unavoidable when in such close proximity now that Kai had mentioned it. This is what he had wanted. _Damnit Kai,_ she thought. He was mean, made worse by the fact he looked devastatingly handsome in his gala attire.

Okay, now _that_ was just ridiculous. She knew Kai was attractive, from an objective point of view. Selene was surrounded by beauty on Luna, but knowing it was all fake made his beauty all the more enchanting. His was genuine, and it lay deeper than the surface of his skin.

Selene was granted freedom as the waltz slowed to its conclusion, and the pair stopped their movement and went through the motions of bowing. It was only when she rose from her curtsey did she see that Kai’s gaze was not downcast as normal, but latched onto her. The Emperor came by to collect his son, guiding him to greet a line of nobles. Silently thanking Rikan for unintentionally liberating her, Selene drifted as gracefully as a picturesque princess could to the side of the ballroom, furtively refusing to lock onto any stray gazes from ball goers. She then abandoned that posture - after all, she had _never_ been a picturesque princess - and rushed from the boisterous crowd to the solace of a deserted hallway.

**iv.**

This is how she ended up here, residing comfortably in a Palace nook at least two hours after that mortifying dance. Well, she was comfortable till Kai arrived, and now the out of character nervousness crept up her throat again.

He snapped his forefinger and thumb in front of her face. “Hello? You awake there, Your Highness?”

She jumped. He looked like he wanted to laugh, but leaned over to tuck a loose tendril behind her ear.

“Oh sorry. What did you say?”

Kai sank back onto the headrest of the chaise, twiddling his fingers in his own form of amusement. “Don’t worry about it Leeny. Your head’s on Luna.” He exhaled and slipped his eyelids shut, though she could sense the teasing look underneath them.

It was her this time that leaned forward, abandoning any nervousness to fall in the comfort of familiar banter.

“Hey, if you’re going to speak about her Royal Highness, she has the right to know.”

He pried an eye open. “Pretty sure I can override that. Being of equal royal status and all that.”

_“Kaito.”_

“Fine, fine.” He feigned annoyance. “I simply asked if you had any themes in mind for the reception.”

It was still _officially_ 4 years until they would be wed, but with insurrections and fiery relations regressing, it seemed inevitable that the match would be fast tracked any day now, Selene overhearing murmurs of it to optimistically take place in only two years or so.

_Married at 18._

She gaped slightly. “Not that I had considered. I think my Mum being so obsessed with event planning turned me off it. As long as there’s food and friends, I’m happy.”

He nodded in agreement. “We could always have the reception in here, since it's going to be bolted off. Have these _“friends”_ and an officiant.”

She snorted. “Yeah, like we’re going to be able to fit all the nobles in this drawing room.”

“Not the nobles: your cousin, and her ‘friend’-” He said it with hand quotations, commonplace for when they described the antics of the oh-so-in-love but oh-so-oblivious Winter and Jacin. “-Torin, my Dad. And, of course,”

“Of course...” She drawled.

_“Of course,_ you,” He pointed at her then flipped it back to himself. “and me.”

_“Really?_ The Bride and Groom have to be there?” She added a fake gasp.

“Unfortunately for you, _yes,_ and we can even break more expensive décor during the ceremony. We’ll say it’s symbolic or something.”

She hummed. “Sad.”

“What is?”

“You’re not inviting any friends. ‘Cause you don’t have any.”

_"I_ don't?!” He pushed her shoulder jokingly. “Wow. Wooow. I see how it is. The only reason I said that is because having too many people will detract from the feeling of eloping.”

“Eloping?” She barely croaked out.

He nodded as though eloping was as consequential as choosing which shirt to wear each day.

She aimed for causal. “Even with your Dad there?”

His resolve wavered slightly and he shrugged. “Okay, admittedly most people don't elope with their parents there. But, it wouldn't _actually_ be eloping, just the feel of it, ya know. I think my Dad would kill me if he wasn’t there for my wedding. I know Mum would’ve.”

His eyes became downcast at the mention of his mother, and Selene too felt a stab in her chest. The Empress had been like an Aunt to her as Rikan was an Uncle. The kind and generous woman would have been her mother-in-law if not for her untimely perishing by the plague. It was the first real loss Selene had ever known, and she had stolen away to earth though not being summer hours after she heard the news. She didn’t remember much from the impromptu trip other than the scolding she had received upon her return to Luna. She did remember her Uncle Rikan’s faltering posture, and Kai’s general devastation. She and Kai had wept and wept together.

“Anyway,” Kai continued. “I’m pretty certain we’d never be able to actually elope, though I wouldn't be opposed to it if we could avoid the crazy party that’ll happen.” He quirked an eyebrow. “Your thoughts?”

He noticed her hesitancy and gave her a breathy smile. She’d seen it before, a million times, but only now did it truly make her heart thump. He titled his head questioningly.

“Umm… I guess I haven't thought about it.” She answered lamely.

“Eh, don’t worry.”

She tried to redeem herself. “I’m still not sure about the smashing of pottery though. Torin will eat us alive.”

He waved a hand dismissively. “Nah, we can just leave it for our kids to clean up when they find it in 50 years.”

The mention of children would elicit messy stammering from any other blossoming teenager, but such discourse was routine for Kai and Selene. It was hard not to take their upcoming nuptials and the foreseeable results so casually when it was all they’d known for 13 years. Ever since she could remember Selene had been betrothed to Kai. It was long before she understood the implications of it, and that jokingly mentioning a cool place as a destination to take your kids one day wasn’t normal best friend behaviour.

But that was just it. They were best friends, but they couldn’t limit themselves to that definition. They were betrothed, a political marriage which she didn’t protest to because she couldn’t remember anything otherwise.

Still, an onset of tingling throbs erupted down her spine. Maybe this is why people called it lovesickness, for the symptoms mimicked that of numerous other ailments.

No. No, no, no. Not _love._ Of course, she _loved_ Kai, but not that way. She was confusing herself.

Kai stood suddenly, having fidgeted with his collar and ultimately decided that it was too warm by the artificial fire. Selene absentmindedly trailed after him, deserting her forgotten book on the chaise. They opened the outermost door and rested on the rails on the small balcony. It overlooked the sloping gardens, and on the 3rd floor Selene determined that with relative ease one could push themselves onto the ledge beneath and descend to the ground.

“So, the gardens are better here then?” He was peering down at her.

“Wow, that was loaded with assumptions. You got a superiority complex or something?”

“Well I can't help that you always go fanatical over the flowers while you’re here.”

The only thing similar on Luna was the palace gardens, and even those could scarcely surmount to the tranquil beauty of Earthen soil. She could wait until she was older, till the stupid contract was finalised and she could finally venture beyond New Beijing’s palace walls, eager to see the beauty of earth’s other biomic furnishings.

Thinking of the gardens drew her back to the last time she roamed them on Luna, having been accompanied by her childhood friend Jacin. Why she listened to him she had no idea, especially not when she had vented her frustrations, and he, as if she were transparent, diagnosed her as dogmatically as any other almost-doctor would.

She had refuted his analysis, saying his guess was ludicrous and her concerns stemmed from the socio-economic issues that seemed to plague her mind and the lunar court more and more each weary month.

_“Your change towards the Prince isn't some political manifesto, Selene.” He had said._

_“Doesn’t mean you're right.” She rebutted. “This is a serious matter and a serious political relationship. We wouldn't let that happen.”_

_“You typically don't get a say in the matter.”_

_“As if you can talk, Sir_ I-refuse-to-confess-my-feelings-to-Winter _Clay”_

_He ignored her. “It explains your situation too well for it to be anything else.”_

_“It’s,” Her breath hitched. “It’s not...what you say it is. Not some childish drama of endless affection and romance. It’s politics. Love isn't viable.”_

_He deadpanned as though she was speaking like a child. “Oh but of course Selene. Because you can’t be in love with your Fiancé , the man you’re going to marry.”_

"50."

After a moment of comfortable silence, his declaration caught Selene off guard. "Huh?"

He looked at her in amusement. "I counted 50 colours."

Realisation dawned on her, and then embarrassment once she remembered she had barely paid attention to their game, what with Kai's distraction and her swift departure.

"Oh, I only got 14."

He wheeled on her, eyes widening with conspiracy. "Who are you and what have you done with Selene?"

She shrugged. "I guess I got distracted."

His eyes shined. "Ah, I see. Too busy getting lost in the eyes of handsome earthen boys. Our games don't mean anything to you anymore."

She shook her head and playfully wacked his arm. "Something like that."

"What? The boys or the game? Got lost in those _mesmerising_ chocolate hues?"

She looked up into the eyes opposite her, though these were copper, shimmery, and looking so intently into her own. "I'll let you decide."

He raspberried his lips and turned away sharply enough that his hair fell into his eyeline. This time she was the one to reach up and tuck it behind his ear. She found it blooming into a pale strawberry pink. Weird.

He kept shifting his arms on the railing, though he could find the comfortable way to stand. Normally she'd reach over to still the limbs, to hold them in her own and tell him to stop fidgeting. But that felt strange now, like it would be suggestible of something. Of ulterior motives, intentions _beyond_ innocent friendship. Behavior edging towards that of courting.

_"Because you can’t be in love with your Fiancé , the man you’re going to marry.”_

But he wasn't her fiancé, not really. They were betrothed, officially bound by arrangement of their parents, their government, their countries. _Their planets._ It was so much bigger than them as individuals, and Selene had always recognised that. This wasn’t some fantasy world where they were engaged because they chose to be and he proposed and she called him her Fiancé.

And she had never cared that that wasn't her reality.

Why did she care now?

The beginnings of pattering rain distracted her, and she moved back to retreat into the room. She looked at Kai, raindrops trickling down his forehead, staining his perspiring skin with a new kind of moisture. He chuckled and pointed to her cheeks. She wiped a droplet off to find it black from her running mascara.

“Not using a glamour then?”

Her heart dropped a little. “Did you think I was?”

He anchored his hands in his pant pockets. “Nah, but with the way you looked tonight, I wouldn’t have been too surprised. I suspect the guests were talking about it.”

“That I only look half decent ‘cause of my glamour?”

“No, that you’re a knockout.”

She said nothing and gathered her skirt undulating with the wind in bunched fists.

“I’m pretty biased, but I thought that you were the prettiest Princess there tonight." He didn't even look sheepish.

"I was the only Princess there."

"Ah," he scratched the back of his neck and let out a cringing laugh. "Okay, I didn't think about that. Kinda negates the impact of my compliment."

She rested her hand atop his own. "I appreciate it nonetheless."

He smiled, all traces of embarrassment having scurried away. There, those were the eyes he had just been teasing her about. The ones she couldn't help but get lost in. Because no matter the thousands of times she'd looked into them, they had transfigured themselves into something simultaneously brand new and intimately familiar. They were a song that hit her with the same rush of adrenaline, of life, every time. Every. Time.

The rain misted itself down upon them, beginning to grow in gradual strength. Selene took this as her cue to exit the scene, where she may just let herself embrace anything but the refinement she'd drilled into herself her whole life. Because she had to be polite but fierce, unwilling to back down but unwilling to be seen as unbecoming. Because if she was really being honest with herself, she knew why the climate between her and the heartthrob Prince, no, her _best friend,_ had become unrelentingly humid. But it would be so fanatically Lunar to act on her emotions at this moment. Lunar to burn away her inhibitions and be the romantic idiot that the Princess, the Queen, the Empress was far too composed for.

_Like you burnt me as a child._

Maybe that was just it. She couldn’t strike the match because she’d never been scorched enough to not fear the pain. Maybe in another universe she would have been able to, but the possibility was marked with the sadness in which she as an innocent and helpless little girl would have to suffer. Selene was extremely fortunate, privileged and had grown up in safety. Her selfless instincts wouldn't tell her the truth, that her safety hadn't meant it was a good home. The worsening tendencies of her childhood on Luna and the adult’s mere tolerance in her childhood on earth had been manageable, but Selene let her own glamour mask the shadows crawling up her back. She hadn't been burnt as a child, but the soot and cinders and ghosts of a lasting blaze were there all the same, hidden from the eye that chose to turn away.

Selene had shied away from the globe her mother inhabited, taking new suitors whenever the Queen pleased. Selene had three siblings for stars sake, each with different fathers, or so she assumed. She didn't even know who her father was, and depending on his life she could have a multitude of other unknown siblings, relatives, even grandparents. But Selene didn't need that blood to confirm her family, she had chosen it and nurtured it and loved it. Kai was a member of it, as he always had been.

Maybe that was why she was scared of confronting anything. No, not anything, everything. Because everything was there, the impossibly filled air between them, impregnated with a tension she couldn't place. Lingering looks narrowly scraping acceptable etiquette for a young lady and young man. Never in public though, but the in-betweens of banter and raving down hallways and late night stargazing on balconies just like this. And that would all end if she loved him.

She would be Queen, he would be Emperor. They'd live on different worlds and see each other a few times for Royal events and to beget an heir. Well, two, one for each country. And then one child would go with one parent and prepare to rule. That was always the deal, maybe with some leniency of the sake of amicable relations and the children. But if she loved him it would make the distance that much harder, that much _unbearable._ Selene was supposed to be the first Queen of Luna to _care,_ to seek the betterment of her people beyond frivolity. She wanted to build a legacy, caring for the national pride of her headstrong people with the guiding hand of her earthen learned morals as would a mother supporting her baby's neck. She couldn't do that if all she wanted to do was abdicate her throne once her child was capable to rule and crawl away to her husband's arms on earth.

Channary would've already ignored the blanket of rain and expectations and clawed her hands into the man she felt perfectly entitled to. Channary was nothing but glitter and being a doting mother. Nothing but acting on instinct and seeking instant gratification. Patience and pining were _not_ Channary. And maybe that's why they were oh-so-Selene.

More than anything, she felt bottled up in herself, the skin that breathed around her rather than the glamour in its bedazzled illegitimacy. It would be lunar to look at him and make a decision. But to her to be lunar only meant apathy and failure to try and all she'd done for so long was try. Try, try, try to be the poster child that fit the glove she was asked to squeeze herself into, and she urged herself to do it because she was lithe enough to conform to their unreleasing expectations, right? To try was to force herself to refrain, to internalise the insecurities she'd hide with her glamour but stopped a hair's breadth from doing so because of him. She wouldn't be lunar because she would die if he looked at her with the disdain every earthen bore when thinking of her race, her _species._ She couldn't be Lunar because she'd lose him and herself.

She was stuck in her head, the insurmountable pressure of everything building up over her 16 years locking her into her own cranium and losing the key in the abyss of high society. It was overwhelming her and the rain wouldn't wash away its wine stain so she moved to slink away from this place where she had no defenses or will to honour her resolve. She stepped back a fraction, but a hand gripped hers and halted all her determination. Kai seemed to have caught the memo and entered the scene with such a tableau she feared a breath escaping her lips would put her own kingdom into so intense a blackout she wouldn't be able to look at him anymore.

_Burn away your inhibitions._ But how did she know it wouldn't be as superficial as the artificial fire only a room away?

"Hey, you wanna go into the garden?"

Selene was glad he spoken, certain that if the pause had dragged a second longer she might have don't something stupid, like kiss him.

She swallowed and forced herself to regard such an expedition (and no quick escape route to be observed) with trepidation, lest she do that exact thing.

"It's getting late." Simple, effective, an explanation good enough to disguise the mounting iceberg of reasons underneath.

His gaze was warm and disappointed. "But you love the rain."

Selene's grip fell away for a beat. She clicked her tongue, nervousness returning. "Yes, but - we've got a busy day tomorrow, don't wanna be too tired or anything-"

He whispered one word, his tone both fervent and scolding.

_"Selene."_

She could only blink.

“Come on, I know you’ve already got a whole climbing route planned out.” He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Maybe to him it was. Maybe everything about her was obvious to him.

Selene allowed herself to break character, away from the solemn and forlorn issue that the girl of expectations and pressure was caged in. She would never be able to shred the script and suffocate the embers; she could never method act and drench herself with gasoline to ignite her heart.

But when she chose, she could exit the stage to kindle the blaze.

She grinned past the way the scene should play out and nodded vigorously.

“Race you to the pond.”

She took off immediately, swooping her skirts into manageable sections and looped them around until they formed a knot. She then lifted her hem to her knees, all the while latching onto the protruding wall to support her. Selene traversed down with as much agility and speed one could manage in dozens of layers of tulle and heard the faint cries of the breathless Kai as he bounded to catch up.

“Wait, I didn’t mean a rac - Selene don’t run in the rain!”

**v.**

They were thoroughly drenched by the time they managed to reach the pond, and Kai was grateful this particular section of the path was gravel, for had it been concrete, Selene's rather treacherous jump from the second floor would’ve caused casualties. If not for her physical health, then his heart at seeing her so reckless.

She was acting strange tonight, well, stranger than _normal._ He wouldn’t deny that Selene, though being his best friend, hardly fit into the normal society he was accustomed to. She tried very much to prove otherwise, and he saw her increasingly run herself ragged more and more with her own expectations. He got it, the pressure of being responsible for an entire nation of people didn't exactly give a person room for carefree gallivanting. Still, he’d hoped this night would be an opportunity for her to loosen up, take an evening to enjoy some time without meetings and lessons. She’d been so _tense_ these few weeks, and he’d wanted to just grab her shoulders and force to take a moment for herself for once.

That’s what he’d been aiming for tonight, but he supposed he had made it worse by teasing her during the dance. Selene had hastened away to be out of the limelight, but a lingering blush told him it had to do with more than with the warming beverages or compliments from unsuspecting earthen boys. But how could he have _not_ teased her, having her in his arms with her looking so beautiful and imperfect.

Well, it wasn’t really the compliment a guy would _usually_ give the girl he loved, but for Selene it was all the more meaningful. He hadn’t known a lunar well aside from her, but he knew their glamorous were enticingly painful to look at. Selene’s mother had been gorgeous, but this perspective shifted each time he saw her. Selene explained to him that this was because the lunar queen would go without her glamour at times, mostly for lack of care. Selene herself adorned a glamour regularly - nothing dramatically breathtaking - as if it was a shell of safety she could crawl into. He recognised from a young age that she didn't wear it to be striking or stunning or attractive (though he was honest to acknowledge that her glamour did elicit a buckling sensation within him) but to hide her reactions. She didn't want to be seen as weak, or let her face betray anything that could be used as ammunition against her for merely existing.

But around him she let that defense fall, and though she always maintained a glamour in her youth she had grown to completely drop it around others when she felt so inclined. He felt privileged that he happened to be one of those people. Seeing her imperfections, like the lighter fleck in her normally pristine brown eyes, the area of her brow where it dimpled just so, or the light marks of former blemishes on her skin were torched into his vision. She looked real. Perhaps not striking, or stunningly gorgeous. But she was real. And to him, she was, as she _always_ had been to him, beautiful.

Selene’s flowing skirt swayed with a heavier density from the newfound embedded moisture. She had finally, _finally_ released her tense frame and threw her hand ups in the air, reveling in the sensation of water against her balmy flesh. He grinned just looking at her so happy. Kai had always liked rain, but never to the extent he did now knowing that every time he saw it, he thought of Selene. The greenery and environment he took for granted was a special occasion for her, having lived in climate controlled biomes on Luna. This wasn't the first time they had broken away to simply enjoy the spectacles earth had to offer, but it was the first time in awhile he felt Selene had returned to elasticity she’d had in her formative years.

She turned to look at him mischievously. “You haven't taken down those swings right? You know I’d never forgive you.”

He shook his head playfully. “I'm far too scared of you Leeny.”

She squinted “I still think I should check that they're still there.”

“You don't trust me?”

“I think I do too much for my own good.”

They were close now, and she hunched so he had to look sharply down at her. Her hair clung to her brow and cheeks, her lashes were dripping with water, but all features were outshone by the beacon of a smile encompassing her whole face.

He loved Selene, was in love with her. He had acknowledged that a long time ago, or at least it felt like it. It was weird, because they were technically engaged, and his dreams would eventually be fulfilled. She would be his wife, his Empress. But under the guise of arranged political marriage it didn't really give the whole scenario romantic luster.

He wasn't one to make big assumptions _(the lie of which he constantly assured himself)_ but he was pretty certain Selene loved him too. It couldn’t _not_ be love he saw in her nervousness and flushed cheeks and eyes lasting a second longer than normal as she looked at him. Kai had decided to test his suspicions tonight, finally allowing himself to look and act around her the way he wished and with what would be appropriate for the situation. How could he not, when she was the image of loveliness, glamour less for his eyes and confident despite knowing how many whispered accusations were put against her by guests?

It didn't really matter to him anyway, as to who she looked at and what she did or whether she wore a glamour or not. It was all _her_ anyway, and he didn't much care if fragments were technically artificial. Well, not artificial, he supposed. It was her natural ability. And yes, it was a façade, but it was still her fundamental biology. It _was_ her, and he accepted her as who she was as a whole. Besides, a little change to the features wasn't anything harmful. The manipulation side however...he was sure Selene had never manipulated him, and he trusted her. But while he accepted her as who she was, he wasn't sure he’d be able overlook it if she ever did manipulate him. But...but she wouldn’t do it anyway, because he knew her. That wasn't her.

He was glad to see she had recovered a bit, walking with a little skip in her step and aweing at how serene the gardens looked lit up by embedded lights under flower beds and water fountains. He could barely make out its burble against the pounding of rain beating down on him. It was woefully nostalgic of their youth, and he hoped it wouldn't be stolen from them as their responsibilities to separate lives grew and grew. Thinking about it was too grim and depressing, so he let the rain wash away such solemn fulmination with its kind touch. It was a good thing the weather was far from mild, making the rain soaked venture soothing rather than bringing the dismal promise of getting sick with a cold. He patted himself on the back mentally when he considered how uncomfortable Selene must have been in layers of fabric, not knowing that the only heat she had felt was derived from him rather than any amount of material.

They approached the swings with laughter, each taking the respective ones which they had claimed years ago. The seats were wet but Selene kindly wiped as much of it as possible off with her petticoat. Going through the rudimentary motions of swinging was calming, even therapeutic to Kai. Stick out your legs on the way up; tuck them back on the way down. That was how he tried to get through the hardest of times: simplify what you can to form a semblance of order in your life. Once you’d done that, the rest should be simple, right?

His anxious thoughts always told him otherwise.

“There’s nothing more grounding than swinging, isn't there?” Selene appeared to have read his mind, though he couldn't say he expected anything less from the girl of his childhood.

“Grounding? I'm fairly sure this is an activity where you’re everywhere _but_ the ground.”

She rolled her eyes with a chortle. “An astute observation.”

“I thought you needed to know.”

“And that, kai- _ah_ -to, is called patronising.”

They fell into silence again, simply enjoying the rhythmic pattern of ascending and descending, rain blaring onto their faces just mildly enough to not be of annoyance. Selene sighed contently, and Kai craned his head to look at her. He’d wanted to kiss her at the ball, but refrained for both their sakes. He wasn't so sure he’d be able to resist again should the opportunity present itself. But she wasn't ready. She was always overthinking things, and he didn't want their friendship to be a cause of stress for her. He suspected that despite his efforts it would end up being that way regardless.

She needed time, and they’d already had 13 years together. However much longer she needed would suffice for them both. He wouldn't think about the threats of war, the precarity of their relationship in the grand scheme of its role. He wouldn't think about the fact his countrymen continually fell to letumosis and rumours that Luna was progressing with an antidote but chose to withhold their discoveries. That wasn't Selene’s fault. And for all her idiosyncrasies, now mixed with earthen and lunar traits, he still believed she was a good person. She may slip up at times, letting the ingrained remnants of Channary and the egotistical court show up in occasional carelessness and untoward suggestions. But these were merely flaws, as many as he _himself_ had, and they didn't shape who she was. The girl the universe didn't see, who she _truly_ was. The scared and witty and intelligent girl with dark skin and brown eyes that flickered with mirth for those who chose to see it.

He loved Selene, was in love with her, and he was willing to wait.

**vi.**

Selene's fingertips had wrinkled up against the metal bars, and the rain dripping onto them had bordered on tiresome.

“You ready to head back? I could do with some tea.”

“Can I be sure you’re not going to try to steal it? ” It was accusatory, but Kai was jokingly saying it.

She looked up as if to ponder it. She would admit that she did severely miss Commonwealth tea when back on Luna, glad for the times she managed to smuggle it back home so she didn't have to suffer through their subpar leaf beverages.

“Come on,” she timed her swings to discern when she would next move forward. “let’s jump in three.”

“Wow, you didn't even deny-”

_“Three!”_

Selene vaulted from the seat at the peak of its height, dropping to the ground and managing to stay upright even with a totter sideways. Kai, not having expected her abrupt departure jumped off his swing a moment later, but without timing it as she had he awkwardly jerked and landed on a poor angle. Conveniently for him, the angle caused him to collapse into Selene, who fell over from his weight and dragged them to the grass beneath them. He hovered over face, laughing and sweeping dirt from where his circus-like jump had imprinted it onto her face.

“Sorry.”

She laughed wholeheartedly. “What am I going to _do_ with you?”

“Find it in your heart to forgive me?” He suggested and clasped a hand to his breast.

She dug her arms into the blades to hasten herself up, coming to rest beside him. “I don't think that's possible.”

“Then what _will_ you be able to do?” It was an almost smirk, and her heart crinkled with how his words were so ardently focused on only her.

_Love you._

Denial could be sweet. Denial could be depressing. Denial could be unfair. It could be all those things when someone let it go. Selene lifted the veil of denial around her heart and let her body tremor with the blatant awareness of why she felt her veins puncture at the sight of the boy in front of her.

It would be Lunar to act on instinct, like her mother to discard precaution. But it was also both of those things to embrace your emotions, and let them feed into how you wanted to be, for yourself, and for others. Maybe Selene was more like her mother than she thought. Maybe she was really Lunar.

_Maybe Jacin hadn't been too far off._

And she wouldn't yet burn away her inhibitions, but she certainly felt their loose threads catch alight.

**Author's Note:**

>  **The explanation of characters’ behaviour:** _As aforestated, Selene suffers from internalised racism brought on by the specific situation of this story. Growing up half on earth and half of Luna would give a person contradictory moral beliefs about life and her own race, and because of it Selene belittles herself whenever she does something supposedly “inherently'' lunar. This isn’t really any one person’s fault, and I tried to write her overwhelmed and flawed logic to show her rationalisation strategy. Because she hadn’t yet figured out how to exactly “quell” her lunar side she wouldn’t admit that she was in love with Kai as she was convinced he wouldn’t love her for being lunar. Kai on the other hand has to come to grips with the fact that though he is accustomed to Selene, he will eventually have to face the macabre actions of her family and her own capabilities. He buries this internally in this fic, but it alludes to his own distrust in her if she should ever manipulate him. I illustrated the contrast in their attitudes (Selene’s nihilistic and Kai positive) in a few ways, one being that Selene felt the rain couldn’t wash away her sorrows because she says it can’t, whereas Kai let’s the rain wash away his anxiety. Kai trusts Selene; Selene doesn’t trust herself._
> 
> _This story isn’t about them confessing and kissing happily ever after because they simply aren’t ready. Their relationship is too strained, and it isn’t resolved in this fic because in my greater plotline of this au it would take years to get grips on their whole emotions and understanding. These unresolved issues will be catalysts for the tension that their future would bring, but, in my au everything does work out in the end and they are together with closure in an ending similar to Meyer’s (because in this and any scenario, Meyer’s ending was one of the only options that would be favourable for all parties involved)._
> 
> **Samchon means Uncle in Korean. It’s to show the semi-intimate bond Selene has with Kai’s family, but also why this so badly affects her because each interaction is underpinned with the reminder that they’re trying to change her for their own sakes. Pretty sucky thing for a 16 year old to deal with.**


End file.
